alcohol and manic depression

i give in
i give up
this is all the same
as it was a year ago.
nothings the same though
far from normal
and still screaming about shoes
in shoes
never the same
who knows.
i left yesterday
or
was it today
all days falling in and out
like they are one
but in all this intimate stuff
i cry at night
and scream in the morning
my hair
no nails
fall asleep for hours
and stay up all night
its like nothing
ive ever felt before
and yet
its so familiar
not to me though
but in this condition
i am far from
what i should be
and you are far
from what i ever meant you to be
and this thing
we call
life is
nothing
nothing to me at all
because were just a series of pictures
repeating ourselves
and changing at the same time
like
mariyln monroe.
and i never believed
life would hit me as
hard as it did
when you said no
and nothing to do with me
life is far from what i wish it was
and yet
i keep wishing it was everything i said it was a year ago.
i dont exactly remember anything
from back then.
although its like im swimming
in a whiskey bottle
and i cant quite get out.
drink yourself to sleep
and never wake back up
i chased a bottle of tylenol
with a bottle of vodka
who knows.