undeniably unforgettable.

I BELIEVE I HAVE FOUND IT
SOMETHING REMARKABLEY
ASTOUNDINGLY
UNDENIABLY
BEAUTIFUL.
THIS THING THAT I CALLED LOVE ONCE
MORE LESS A LIKE
BUT ITS BEAUTIFUL
INSATIABLE
BUT YOUR CHEMICALS COLLIDE
AND WE CREATE A KHEMICAL KREATION
SOMETHING LIKE NEVER BEFORE
WE KEEP GETTING CAUGHT UPIN
WHATS IN OUR LIVES
YOU MAKE ME SO VULNERABLE
BUT THE WAY YOU SMILE IS LIKE NO OTHER
THE WAY YOU BREATHE IS LIKE NOTHING I EVER SEEN BEFORE
YOU MAKE ME DESPERATE FOR AIR
IM LIKE LIKE A FOOL FOR YOU
LIKE NO BOY COULD EVER DO
ITS ALL THE SAME
IM SPINNING IN THIS FOREST OF BUBBLEGUM AND MARIJUANA
YOU WERE SLEEPING
AND I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT
WATCHING YOU
ITS BEAUTIFUL
TRANQUIL
ALMOST THE WAY WE KEEP COLLIDING
AND ITS SO ASTOUNDING HOW YOU MAKE ME FEEL
I AM ALIVE FOR ONCE
LIKE NEVER BEFORE
I JUMP AND SING AND FALL WITH GRACE
AND YOU KEEP LOOKING AT ME
AS IF YOU WERE AMAZED FROM THE FIRST SIGHT.

an old memoir of self

FUCK YOU,
AND YOUR GOD.



Me, well, I'm Kelsie

I am everything you are not.

drugs, sex, rock & roll, fashion, passion, art, alcohol, and ciggarettes.


Me well i'm 16

and i speak in strange tounges

i sleep like a crack addict but with out the addiction.

always wanting it but never quite recieving as much as they would like.

i hate the feeling of being used, hell, i hate the feeling of using somene.

but any more whats the difference.

We may be the same but really i do not compare to some of the things you do.

I am not afraid to say what needs to be said.

I am something small ready to blossom into something a hell of a lot bigger than what i am capable of.

i dream for days but nothing comes out.

i love, but i hate even more.

i stay close to the one i love, and he never leaves my side.

josh changed my life, and if you have a problem with him.. you shouldnt tell me, or i kill a bitch.

i want change but i am to small to change the world myself.

i feel like i am falling out from under my own two feet.

recieding into oblivion.

I am not a stick, therefore, i do not break easily.

Judge me I dare you. Do it to my face not behind my back

nothing really happens these days.

pills to make you cooperate and freak out all at the same time.

i get stoned and play loud music for hours.

it all doesnt matter.

so if anything at all i think that i am a little bit of nothing but a whole lot of something.

. I am a secret agent in need of an antidot. I am a crooked cop that never answers staright. I am the girl that is here right now.

If you use or abuse i refuse to inspire.

If you suck the color out of my world i will get my crayons back out.

There is nothing you can do to scare me.

Never take the future too seriously. Never take anything too seriously.
I say what i feel is correct.

I do not consider your feelings or values, it all just comes out with out warning.

I get in truble alot for this, also because i have a nack for winning arguments.

Watch your mouth and i might watch mine.

so....

untill then i will be upside down in my own oblivion of a requiem for my own dream.

keep dreaming stop sleeping it just wastes time.





give me a week.

and i will blow your mind.

(literally)







"My final point about alchohol, about drugs, about Pornography...What business is it of your's what I do, read, buy, see or take into my body as long as I don't harm another human being whilst on this planet? And for those of you having a little moral dilemna on how to answer this, I'll answer for you. NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS Take that to the bank, cash it and take it on a vacation outta my fucking life. And stop bringing shotguns to UFO sightings, they might be here to pick me up and take me with 'em."
-Bill Hicks


"I believe in a long, prolonged, derangement of the senses in order to obtain the unknown."
-Jim Morrison


"People fear death even more than pain. It's strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over. Yeah, I guess it is a friend."
-Jim Morrison


"Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts."
-Jim Morrison

my soft spot

its a funny thing
how love can be turned into like
i mean
like can be turned into love
and get not a thing
in return
little means nothing
a lot means a hell of a lot less
i miss those days
of love and
care
but it all turns to shit
like life usualy does
it eases my pain
to know
that life and love
only lasts the time
it takes to spend a nickel
i keep thinking
that life means
no no no
but who knows
you told me
we were far from what a relationship
could ever be
and at least for now any way
i want nothing more
than to love you every moment
of every day
and
to wake with you
but with this little time
we have
and this far distance
we keep
colliding
and
clashing
in things.
we never saw ourselves
togethter
we never thought that first fuck
would end up 2 months later
with u being in the same bed
singing songs and
screaming obscenities
its funny
i miss you but i feel
that it will never be returned
cheating
lies
past regrets
everthing that has ever hurt us
and yet
i am infatuated with the way you move
the way you know
where my soft spot is without me not even knowing myself
but with you
its hard to tell you
how i feel
im afraid you wont accept
im afraid you wont quite understand
that life is far from normal
and the hurt
it kills us but
it brings better
i miss you
although
it only been hours.

alcohol and manic depression

i give in
i give up
this is all the same
as it was a year ago.
nothings the same though
far from normal
and still screaming about shoes
in shoes
never the same
who knows.
i left yesterday
or
was it today
all days falling in and out
like they are one
but in all this intimate stuff
i cry at night
and scream in the morning
my hair
no nails
fall asleep for hours
and stay up all night
its like nothing
ive ever felt before
and yet
its so familiar
not to me though
but in this condition
i am far from
what i should be
and you are far
from what i ever meant you to be
and this thing
we call
life is
nothing
nothing to me at all
because were just a series of pictures
repeating ourselves
and changing at the same time
like
mariyln monroe.
and i never believed
life would hit me as
hard as it did
when you said no
and nothing to do with me
life is far from what i wish it was
and yet
i keep wishing it was everything i said it was a year ago.
i dont exactly remember anything
from back then.
although its like im swimming
in a whiskey bottle
and i cant quite get out.
drink yourself to sleep
and never wake back up
i chased a bottle of tylenol
with a bottle of vodka
who knows.

to the mad hatter

for you and the hippie downstairs
share a bond of unmeasurable things
love
loneliness
hate
demise
music is the only way to heal
music is the only way to breathe feelings that yesterday never produced
with your music
you make an old man feel young
and
an young man feel old

music is timeless throughout the ages

free charlie

this is close to the strangest thing ive done in years
writing for no purpose
no meaning
and no cause
and yet i love it
i love the way
my fingers flow
rapidly and
fluently
and all together as one
like as if this has never happened before
its seldom
that i keep it inside
no its not
its seldom that i let it out
i need to
breathe
tell the ghosts to
go away and stay out
for a day
im on vacation
and this trip is like no expierience you have ever seen.
who knows
in the next hell
i might be you antichrist
in the next haven
i might be your charles manson
also
i am his spawn
and i love it.

dont take me back to the hospital.

its extrmemly awkward
how life
has been lately
ive been going for so long
without doing Anything.
then
it all changed
life became okay again
i suppose
you could say again.
im eating
and i can sleep alone for once
but for the longest time
i was nothing but your monkey
in a cage
and i broke the chains free
and got sent away to the hospital
for the first and the last time.
nothing is different
of course im still
just me
just with not as much
life or
love or
personality
im just dieing still
and i cant have you find out
because then i would be doomed
for one more eternal fate
that is not what i want
that is not what i pease
i fall upon your everymnove at one time
i gave that up last week
no more for me.